Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
