As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
