My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
