We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
