just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
