He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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