Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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