I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
