You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
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