So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
