come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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