He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
