be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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