Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
