I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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