atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
