tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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