I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Found the puke drawer
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
