Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
