the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
