There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
