He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
