I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
