zippers are such a cool invention
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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