Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
