How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
