Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
