How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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