i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
