So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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