somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I will pee on everything he values.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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