dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
