new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
