Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
