went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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