hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
