My room smells like vodka and shame
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
