the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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