"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
love makes seman taste better
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
