Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
