Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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