her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
