i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
