hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
