She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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