just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
