My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
