so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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