Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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