i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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