The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
